Waiting

There is a lot of waiting going on right now. There is waiting for referrals, waiting for court dates, waiting for paperwork to be returned, waiting to be waiting, waiting for surgical consults, waiting for surgery dates, waiting for people to get here, waiting to go somewhere, waiting to heal, worrying about waiting, waiting for things to change, waiting to see if things stay the same...

waiting.

So last night I was trying to calm down enough to write my letters for the sisters in the Blessing Way, and I was waiting for the inspiration to hit me. I was waiting for the words trying to figure out what it is that I want to say, what if anything could be of value. I am struggling with my sense of voice lately because I feel like everything is too emotional, too raw, too much. Then I started to think about Eva Luna's impending battle with cancer and I was looking for words that somehow describe fear, anger, love and hope...and pissed off. I have been thinking about what to give her, what to do for her, wondering if we should do a bead theme for her at the party...

you know random, tangential, pinball bouncing in your head kind of thinking.

So, I was reading a little Raymund Carver looking for thoughts and words, just trying to find a place to rest mine, thinking that someone has felt all of this before and will again,

and I found this, and my whole heart and mind thought of you,

yes, you,

no, not her or them,

you,

so for you I give you,

Waiting,

by Raymond Carver

Left off the highway and

down the hill. At the

bottom, hang another left.

Keep bearing left. The road

will make a Y. Left again.

There's a creek on the left.

Keep going. Just before

the road ends, there'll be

another road. Take it

and no other. Otherwise,

your life will be ruined

forever. There's a log house

with a shake roof, on the left.

It's not that house. It's

the next house, just over

a rise. The house

where trees are laden with

fruit. Where phlox, forsythia,

and marigold grow. It's

the house where the woman

stands in the doorway

wearing sun in her hair. The one

who's been waiting

all this time.

The woman who loves you.

The one who can say,

"What's kept you?"