Followed by a long twilight of piety and nihilism

(Those are not my words, they are someone else's words. I am not linking, if you are interested you can, as my father would say, get up and look it up.)

Speaking of long twilights, it seems as though we are trapped in many right now.

First twilight - my brief break from the pool in June turned out to be not so brief. The last time I did actual swim workouts was before a tri in early June. The last time I swam was for my birthday tri in August. It was a challenging open water swim for me. Not just because I was out of the water for a couple of months (challenge enough). An additional treasure for me was that I missed my wave start and they wouldn't just let me drop into the next wave. They insisted that I "just go" and chase after my wave. Nothing quite like the embarrassment of trying to get your water wings back with a shore full of people watching you, cheering for you, probably wondering "what the hell is wrong with that swimmer...oh poor girl."

I survived.

So it is inevitable.

I will be back in an open water swim soon,

the twilight will end, and

this will be me again...

I will be back in the water with masses of people around me fighting for position,

I will fight current, kicking feet and flailing arms to beat these people out of the water,

it is unlikely, but we all need dreams.

So Tuesday, early in the morning, I hit the pool.

Back in tri training mode,

For me, tri training is when I am in the pool,

I run and bike, but tri means swimming.

I am not a fish.

I did not do swim team, I have no natural grace and balance in the water, I do not have the swimmer background.

So for me, triathlons means "Filoli go face your water issues."

This means swim, swim, swim and then swim some more.

In hopes that someday maybe I will be a bad agent swimmer,

like elite professional triathlete Alexis Waddel-Smith,

Do not let the fence fool you.

We are totally friends...completely...

she races Wildflower and I say "hi" when she zooms past me.

We're down.


She came blazing out of the water (first of course) at this event while I was waiting for my wave to start. She runs by, I scream "Go Alexis!" she continues her focused run to transition.

Alexis is hella amazing. At Wildflower, she used to do the 1/2 Iron distance on Saturday and the Olympic distance on Sunday. Her only regret about going pro is that she no longer can do the back-to-back events. See - amazing. Plus, Wildflower is a monster challenge of a course. It gives "hilly" all new meaning...particularly when you have to do the "Nasty Grade" after mile 42.

Anyway, I turn to the woman next to me after the Alexis blur goes by, "hmmm, I am shocked she didn't say 'hi',' she must not have recognized me." She laughed which she really needed because I thought the woman might crack from stress and nerves from her fear of our wave start. It was her first tri, her first mass wave start, her first time.


Getting back in the pool, thinking about that poor woman standing there shivering, knees shaking, staring at the water as though it was flipping her the bird, and starting this post yesterday reminded me of my own first open water tri debacle.

This sudden memory recall excites me to no end because now I realize I do in fact have a Tales of a Virgin Athlete story that I can submit for the contest. I really wanted to enter because it sounded like fun and I really could use the socks, but thought I didn't have a story.

Then I remembered the tale of the one arm man.

So instead of working on my Wino Wednesday tonight (or the other things I should be working on) I will be drafting my submission post in hopes that the panel of "athletically-minded" judges selects me as a finalist. Then all 14 of you (if that is even accurate) that actually read my blog will be harassed to go and vote for me. Because I really do need the socks. No really - I need the socks.

Second twilight - cancer - argh, enough said.

She is scheduled for yet another biopsy next week for yet another issue. WTF?

Attempting to be more positive, the Ta Ta party is moving forward wonderfully. There is only 1 person that seems somewhat annoyed by it, but I think it is because of other things going on with 'em. Another words, I am not taking it personal (odd for me) and frankly, I don't care. I love Eva Luna, I wanted to this for her, it turned out she was thinking the same thing, we are doing it! Even if there are just 5 of us gathered around in a circle feeling up the lump kit with an obscene amount of boob cupcakes being shoved in our faces.

A bunch of women alone eating pastry boobs - aw life, you are strange.

Third twilight - adoption journey - currently continued to be thwarted by fence issues.

I don't even have the energy to talk about the damn fence issue anymore.

So for now, I move forward with the tri training.

I swim.

I am going to swim.

Not flail about or panic,

but just swim

through all of this

put my head down,

stretch and reach,

and swim.