On Your Return

With great joy, I came home from work this week to find this guy (sans wife) at my house. They are back from a year in Chile:

I know they are stinking cute...so they have been away from us in a different land...having all sorts of adventures...

they have been enjoying views like this...

enjoying strolls down streets like this...

They climbed volcanoes...

That they had to figure out how to come down...

Let's just say it was a bit of a slide...

They enjoyed the surf...

They visited vineyards and sampled the local syrah...

and rendezvoused with the wildlife...

so cheeky...

I am so glad that they are back...

although we are not Chile...

we have our own amusing things to do here...

we can go fly fishing which you both enjoy...

We get to gather everyone together and go rock climbing...

you both love heights...

we camp, and camp, and camp, and camp some more...

You can come over for parties...

you can hang out in the backyard and drink beer with us...

you get to play Drunk Pinata with us...and who doesn't love that...

ah...smiles and blindfolds...good times...

now that you are back you can help us figure out where to plant the new vines...

and get back to crushing and blending...

because on your return...

we decided our goal was 300 bottles...

oh, and Speedbump and Confessions...why are you still so far away...

aren't you ready to come home now...

Oui Nous Pouvons

A wonderful couple brought this to me as a hostess gift.


In honor of this special family finally receiving their referral on a not so ordinary day for their own very special someone, I wanted to talk a bit about the region of origin.

Langeudoc-Roussillon

This region of France is a bit like that girl in high school that helped everyone with their projects but seemed to go unnoticed and then all of the sudden this striking beauty returns at the class reunion and everyone goes "who is that - oh yeah, I totally recognized her, I knew her well..."

Historically this region has been a hell of a producer and at one point over 1/2 of all wine in France came from this region...now they say over a 1/3 of all French wine. This area produced the nuts and bolts of wine. A flat consistent quality wine that was used for soldiers and often considered safer than water.

Geographically this area is able to tap into the perfect mix of both French and Spanish wine culture and varietals. Over time (when the region was not constantly riddled with battlefields and thirsty soldiers) unique blends and quality wines started emerging. (New winemaking technology also significantly helped in this area as well.)

In the 80's the region was rediscovered as an opportunity to find wines at the perfect crossroads of quality and cost. Thereby increasing access to the region. By the 90's Languedoc-Roussillon was heralded as a jewel of a find providing diverse and creative blends. In 2000 and 2001 you could find Wine Spectator and other periodicals raving about this area. Unfortunately, this area was in the news this past summer when vineyard protests erupted into violence. The economic realities of increased production costs and gas prices in combination with decreased demand result in tough times everywhere. Evidently, some are turning away from consistent quality table wines. Evidently, I am not one of them.

Now we have not had an opportunity to talk about the intricacies and elements of French labels. Due to the protectionist legislation that the French use to secure wine markets they have VERY complicated labels. Because Languedoc-Roussillon kind of snuck into notoriety, the label rules for this region are a bit different.

Here you can identify in 1 of 3 ways:

1. By Appellation
2. By Variety of Grape
3. By Proprietor

If the label is identified by proprietor or varietal, then you get the status of Vin de Pays d'Oc.

Do not confuse this with AOC (we will get to it later)...and understand that if the wine is only of a table wine quality...then still no d'Oc on the label even if it is from Languedoc-Roussillon. What can I say - it is really complicated! (Technically Rene Junot falls into the latter regulatory label gap - but it is still d'Oc geographically.)

My point is this -

Vin de Pays means "country wine" or "wines of a region."

The Languedoc-Rossillon region is referred to as Oc which translates to "yes."

Vin de Pays d'Oc literally means "wines of the country of yes."

Soooooooooo, these inquisitive treasure hunters who felt oddly drawn and appreciative of wines from this region quite amusingly found they are literally drawn to the land of yes.

How freaking appropriate because I have never met a couple who so fully lives life and embodies the raw spirit of "yes!"

So as los cazadores say "yes" to new life challenges, new adventures, new opportunities, new hopes and dreams, I say "cheers!"

Congratulations!

Oui Nous Pouvons

(Yes We Can)

Context for Discussion *Edited So Soon

Aha! Thanks to the miracle of the internets and associated tubes and trucks I can provide context.

This helps so that you can see the following:

a) how freakishly sensitive I can be;
b) the great thing that MFG said that also sticks with me but didn't make it into my ramblings yesterday; and,
c) the irritant of a question like "why...uh...is it in the uh...United States people are anti-adoption...I have a lot of friends going through infertility treatments..." (as though fertility treatments equates to being "anti-adoption" - humph).

Oh and Alpha swears that this was in Corte Madera...[humph again]

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you the reading...to skip to the Q&A I am referring to zip down to 49:55...or watch the whole thing if you are so inclined...it was pretty great...

Hmmm...the embedding function is not working...okay so go here...

Great MFG response"in infertility...there are not exactly well lit exits..."

And this article is still profound...

And if I am the walking wounded (which I still do not fully accept - quite possibly because stubborn IS my long suit), this is my theme song...who am I kidding - this has been on the Filoli Life Soundtrack for a long time...



*Speaking of the Filoli Soundtrack...I am adding the following track

Reflections While Eating Lunch at Desk

I feel as though I have been trying to live underwater a bit lately. Not so long ago I didn't feel all that hot...thought something was a bit off. Turned out I had strep throat because evidently I am still 10 years old. As I was coming off my antibiotics I started to feel odd again. I thought surely it is just the medication leaving my system. Nope. I ended up catching a cold. I had huge work projects that needed to be completed so I consumed large amounts of OTC cold medicine and pressed on. Then I experienced the head on collision of this cold ramming squarely into my body. There was no more denying the existence of sickness...and I was laid out - again!


I am extremely frustrated with my immune system at this time. Presently, I am struggling with continued coughs and my voice coming in and out. So lovely, so professional, so freaking tired...


On the adoption front (is it a front?), we continue to press forward. We are hunting down documents and tying down loose ends. (Turns out we received some other couple's marriage certificate - not ours.) We are going through a ton of paperwork and self-surveys. But you know the game...


Regarding the homestudy - home inspection is proving to be a bit of a challenge...


Now we are scheduling a pre-home inspection for things to be evaluated prior to the inspection. In general there are concerns about fences (or lack of fences),
the proximity of animals to our houses (this touches on the fence issue again),welding materials on the property, the inability to "adequately secure the shop," when are we going to finish the siding on the house, when are we going to finish the decks, um...there is a finish theme developing...


We need to get cabinets up in our laundry/pantry room. My plan was that this would be our locked area and I could just throw cleaning supplies, medicines, and knives into those cabinets. But, the guy that did our kitchen cabinets is injured and may not be able to do them. This means I could buy something cheap and just throw it up - BUT we have such a small house and I think the inconsistency could quite possibly drive me mad. Particularly if I am living with the inconsistency for months or a year (or more) waiting on the child(ren) that said cabinets are allegedly protecting. Patience is not my long suit.


Also, I feel like since this young man has successfully navigated his life to a whopping 16 months without any incident inside or outside of my home that this is evidence of a safe home.

Yes, that is the wee one walking the wee Leonard. The new favorite thing around these parts is to take Leonard for a walk up and down the property. This activity is rivaled only by walking around endlessly brushing his teeth. For those of you that know and love Alpha, I am sure you are quick to recognize the family trait...

Of the 9 parent training modules that you must complete to be certified for placement (aka PRIDE classes), we have now successfully completed 6 sessions. This leaves one final day of classes. I have many things to say about the PRIDE experience but it has been suggested that I perhaps do not want to blog about those issues - even semi-anonymously.

We will see if I can manage that...

I will say that my fiercely logical, rational and attentive husband mentioned in passing to me at one of our few yet much needed breaks in the middle of our last 9 hour training day "I think there is something wrong with my hands, I need to get to a computer and look up the significance of the ratio difference between the ring finger and index finger...my hands are very different from others..." Uh, Alpha started contemplating palmistry during training...this still makes me laugh...

As a result of PRIDE classes I have the following things swimming in my brain:

I am obsessed (even more so than ever before) with RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). When you look at symptoms or exhibitions of struggling with attachment issues, I start seeing them everywhere...in myself, in my family, and I am starting to wonder if for some although you don't have RAD you can still have some attachment issues. I don't believe you have to experience abuse or neglect to pick up some of these issues. I am also starting to wonder if dealing with fertility issues (still can't really write it with "in") you experience loss that lends itself to attachment issues.

Melissa Faye Green (I know...you want me to put an homage before the name) once commented in a question and answer period following a reading in San Francisco that those that suffer from infertility are "really the walking wounded." This comments haunts me. It has felt like a goat's head under the saddle that I just can't dislodge. My initial response was "NO!" This became..."maybe for some...but not all of us..." I loathe the image. This idea that as life goes forward you are forever bleeding and somehow not healthy or whole is infuriating to me. Why can't we be merely scarred...the walking scars...no chuck that...how about those that are adopting that have dealt with infertility bring a unique set of life experiences that may enhance the adoptive family...

As I sat during hours of attachment disorder classes, I started to see parallels between the children shuttling back and forth through the system and the struggles and invasive nature of fertility treatment. (I am not minimizing the pain and trauma to children - just noticed similarities in responses in myself and people I love and care about). My point is this - I never wanted to be classified by someone else as "walking wounded" and yet felt somehow chained unwillingly to this description. (I know I need another damn disclaimer here - I understand that MFG's response was perhaps reflexive and not representative of her opinion now or then...don't get your hackles up...)

One of the key mandates of PRIDE beyond "engage in therapeutic parenting" is that we need to become the loss managers for the children. We talk a lot about loss...I mean a lot...so much so that you find yourself sitting around thinking "we shouldn't be adopting...we should be only a foster family and do everything to assist the birth family to move towards successful family reunification..." We spend hours talking about the permanent loss of culture, identity, [insert anything you would desperately fight for your child to have] once the relationship with the birth family is severed.

I know - you are thinking, come on, Filoli, it is sometimes best to sever those relationships. Uh...yeah, I totally agree. Otherwise, I wouldn't be doing this...My point is that you are emotionally slapped repeatedly for hours about the loss your children will experience if ever placed permanently with you. Like we don't know that. Like we don't get that. Like we don't feel horrible about that. So now are we the walking wounded...I don't know...

As I said to Alpha, what irritates me most...maybe that is the wrong choice of words...what frustrates me is that for families that experience family from the blossom of pregnancy to the spring of birth your child enters your home and life with trumpets of joy and thanksgiving.

I have always known that expanding our family by adoption required a loss for our child.

That never escaped me...I knew that...but it isn't the reason why you don't adopt...it is just a different challenge.

You know how the wonderful and insightful Julie Our Lady of Waiting (homage necessary) will reference the grief stages and apply it from time to time to adoption. If not, go check it out.

I love her posts (as does everyone else buckled into this roller coaster) because it is nice to see someone address it so honestly and openly. To have those emotions in black and white is not empowering but healing.

Of course, in PRIDE we talk about these stages as it relates to placement of foster children and adoption. What struck me this weekend is the categories of loss the grief cycle is predicated on for each individual. The loss is categorized as one of Health, Self-Esteem, Significant Person or a combination of categories. The drop-an-anvil-on-your-head subtlety of the classes is that for the children up for placement the loss is broad and often encompasses all categories of loss and management of such a loss requires approaches and interventions to address each unique nuance of loss.

It occurs to me how dealing with fertility has been an experience of loss in all of these categories as well. Perhaps, I am the walking wounded and dealing with these issues and managing these losses better prepares me for managing loss for our children.

My point is I don't have a point. I don't have an operative thesis that I am attempting to advance. I am not championing myself as witty or insightful...I just have thoughts that are scattered, confusing, overwhelming and sometimes (perhaps often) self-defeating.

I wish I could sit down and write pithy essays about adoption, about loss, about choice, about attachment, about doubt, about faith, about me, about you, about us...

but I can't.

because I am just sitting at my desk eating lunch sinking in reflection.

Be the Change

Excerpt from the Inaugural Address:

What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.

This is the price and the promise of citizenship.

This is the source of our confidence - the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.

This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed - why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.

In the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.

- President Barack Obama

The Man Best Known For - Gone

You are probably very familiar with these images:

Andrew Wyeth has been one of my favorite artists since I was very young. Not for Christina's World, but for the Helga pictures. I still remember the day that I found this book in a used book store waiting for my dad as he rummaged through piles of disorganized books. I found this book and I took it to the reading corner and just started flipping the pages. I was amazed. I was in a trance staring at the images. Captivated by the emotion and power, yet stillness in these pieces. Needless to say, I bought the book.

Then I went on a quest to see the images in real life. I wanted to look at the canvas eye-to-brushstroke. I created a list of museums and galleries that I could see his work and when we were on family vacations or visiting schools or on a business trip and if I knew I had an opportunity - I would take it.

Later in reading A Secret Life: Andrew Wyeth, I learned that as he was finishing the previous painting Helga was talking to him about a particularly uncomfortable experience in her life in response Wyeth says "the picture seemed too pretty...I'd painted these braids beautifully coming to the fine end, the fluffy blondness of the hair. I thought, Fuck it. This is not it. It was like making a banner that was too big. It gets to be a caricature of a caricature." As such, Wyeth chopped off the bottom of the panel to sever the ends of her braided hair.

Here are a few images from the Helga series:

(I apologize if nudity offends you...if so, then you can go somewhere else...)

The following are my 2 favorite pieces and the reason why I could not leave that book behind in the bookstore:

Imagine my delight when I learned that Wyeth himself felt that Barracoon was his finest nude. Here he hid Helga inside black skin and hung the image in his studio and enjoyed asking visitors about the painting, relishing the deception.

Wyeth considered Barracoon "way beyond a nude - something almost streamlined, like a figurehead on a clipper ship. I was trying to achieve something dateless. This could be any period - Egyptian, the Renaissance."

I agree.

Andrew Wyeth

1917-2009

Is anyone reading 2666?

Just wondering if anyone out there is reading this book right now...or planning to read it soon...

Wino Welcome to Your Brain

Ahem...4:03, ahem...

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Keeping your brain healthy: Drink a glass of red wine a day!

Oh my goodness!

A big congratulations to Juliet, Lonnie (and Bailey too)...they have a referral for an amazing little man...go check it out! No really, go now! Off with you...

Meatless Monday

Title has nothing to do with post. It was a memory that I flashed on from when I was a kid - we had meatless Mondays. Today feels like a Meatless Monday and since I am feeling pretty random, it seemed an appropriate title.

If required to provide a video that best expresses your inner self, I would present the following:



If required to provide a video that expresses my husband's response to sudden outbursts of my expressions of inner self, I would provide the following:



Uh, yeah, Alpha would be the guy in the back trying dutifully to sit and work on the computer while I am feeling soulful.

Oh, and the following is a much delayed response to Cazadora's tribute to Red Dirt...


and this is my Meatless Monday...back to work I go...

Beber este vino es como hablar con Dios

For France - I think wine is identity.

For Spain - I think wine is soul.

When I think of Spanish wines my mind spins in memories and images of deep flavors, earth-stained hands and muddy leather boot's. I think of the grapes emerging from dark muddy tombs tunnelling out to become liquid sun.

Like France, Spain officially recognizes and geographically defines and qualifies wine regions. For the higher quality (better than a table wine) there are 4 general categories:

1. Vinos de Pago (Estate Wines)

2. Qualified DO (DOc)

3. DO

4. Quality Wines with a Geographical Indication (Quality Wine from...)

If you see DO or DOc and the wine is at a price that you are comfortable with, then go for it.

Now for another trick to quickly find a great Spanish wine. Look at the back label and is you see that the wine is a Jorge Ordenez Selection then you will be very happy with your purchase. This might be a good way to branch out and try more nontraditional varietals (but traditional in Spain).

Jorge Ordenez is an importer of Spanish wine and is able to provide insight into smaller bodegas and unique wines. So far, I have always really enjoyed his selections. Although he has been identified twice as Wine Personality of the Year, everyone has a critic. Here, the complaint is that Jorge Ordenez is inappropriately influencing and promoting wines that appeal to an American palate and not truly representative of Spanish wine.

As someone from America who consumes her own fair share of wine and from different countries, I do not feel that these selections are being tailored to an American palate. But it is entirely possible that I lack any capability to have that level of palate objectivity.

I think that we are going to start seeing an increase focus on Spanish wines. In part because the Wine Spectator and other wine writers are highlighting more Spanish wines. My suspicion is that part of this focus is due to our current economy issues there is a real push to find quality prices with lower overhead prices for restaurants. Spain is capable of providing a high quality wine with a reasonable price.

(For these same reasons I think we will probably see South Africa popping up on more wine lists.)

So...for what it is worth...if you are making a winter stew or roast and want something special to pair with it that is smooth yet spicy and encourages long conversations - try Spain.

As they say, "Beber este vino es como hablar con Dios."

[Tasting this wine is like talking with God.]

Borracho Según lo Bebido

Tonight - after this very long day I am diving head first into one of my all time favorite (and economical) delights...Garnacha de Fuego - so in love with this Spanish wine...

If you were closer, I would say come on over!

Love, Save the Empty

I forgot to mention my New Year's song...

The album released last week or so on itunes and is distributed everywhere starting tomorrow...

What does that mean?

Update on foot - somewhat better, but feel like something is wrong with it...I now have pain in the oddest places up and down my chin and in my foot...so whatever "popped" in my achilles has somehow affected other structural elements...now it just aches and feels loose...I am debating on whether to actually go in and see my foot doctor...in the meantime thank you for the well wishes...

Now continuing pain may be because Saturday while I was sitting around icing and elevating my foot Alpha insistently requested my company running errands on Saturday. So, I hobbled slowly in and out of stores. Slowly pushing my cart around using it as a bookstand while reading my new book. When an opportunity presented itself - I sat down.

On Alpha's agenda for Saturday was to locate a bladder for him to use to drink water out of because plastic is just too horrible. Yes, that is right he is looking for an animal bladder...like they used in the old days, before plastics and steel...he wants a bladder. I understand his aversion to plastic and I know him well enough to know that there is NO talking him into being comfortable with plastic - but an animal bladder - this is not so good.

I tried to describe to him how odd he would look walking around with an animal bladder across his chest. This plan backfired because then he started to like the idea even more.

So we went to one of those hunting extravaganza places for him to scout out and see if he could find a bladder...[eyes rolling]

While there I found the following prizes:

I guess sometimes when you are on a boat you may need to blend in...but not too much so you would need these...

and of course this requires a matching top, because nothing confuses nature more than floating arms waving mysteriously through the air...

I have quite the passion for camo myself...I own camo in different colors on different tops and bottoms and enjoy it very much, but even I think this is just a bit too much...if you actually own these products, I apologize, I am sure you look stunning in it...and you can better explain to me the charm...I just don't see anything good about my pasty white appendages dangling out from a camo tankini with a hot pink ribbon around my hips....but it could just be me...it always good to know your own fashion limitations...

Given the amount of unsolicited credit card and refinancing offers that inundate your mailbox, perhaps it would be appropriate to keep such bait in this mailbox...

ummmm....good....mail...good...

Sunday I was back to elevating, icing and heating...

So this morning I woke up from the oddest dream...

I was in a house that I think might have been my house, then I was jogging on this trail with a dream friend. I say dream friend because I don't know this person and yet I have had running dreams with her before...don't know her...we were on a run and I was talking to her about other trails we could do...and then I somehow jump back to my house and the vines are freezing...

My question for those that do dream analysis - What does that mean?

If it means that I am emotionally unstable, my foot is about to fall off, or I have mother issues - never mind - if it is insightful and constructive then let me know...

Argity-argh-argh!

Who is the idiot that manages to somehow pull her Achilles while hanging a freaking picture on the wall?

That would be me...

So now I am sitting here icing my foot praying and hoping that this is just a weird strain or pop in the bottom of my Achilles...

As Marge says, "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

Of course, Alpha says that the picture is objectionable and hideous and must be removed immediately...I think this anti-expressionist art hater somehow jinxed me!

Oh the woes, the woes....

Surely it is nothing. I mean REALLY can someone honestly hurt them self that bad hanging a freaking picture!