I Jump Dive

This little man seen here (aka my youngest nephew, Wonder Boy) clearing enjoying his protein.

Wonder Boy is quite fearless;

Quite fearless.

Climbs pretty much anything - and usually naked.

Wonder Boy seen here in his usual scaling of chairs to join older cousins at the counter.

Wonder Boy this summer has been a bit left out in some swim endeavors. Although he is quite agile with his floaties - he is not diving or as he puts "jump dive." Everyone else is jump diving a lot this summer since his older brother Fish has finally perfected his board dive. As a result, Wonder Boy is frequently found standing close to the end of the diving board repeating in broken record fashion "I jump dive, I jump dive, I jump dive."

Despite all of our encouragement, that if he wants to jump dive we have him, he will be fine, we are right here. Wonder Boy has a fear. I find this fascinating for this child who has amazed me (and frequently frightened me) with his complete and astounding courage to try things.

So last night Wonder Boy was in full "I jump dive" mantra mode.

I told him to just run off the end. Try to just run off the end. I am right here.

He would back up and take off down the board...

But about a foot or so from the end - Wonder Boy stops. Smiles and says, "jump dive."

A couple of times, he would run to the end, turn around and then roll into the pool and look at me and say "I jump dive" to which balloon-popper that I am, I say, "no jump dive."

So, Wonder Boy gets back up there and he runs and stops, runs and stops, runs and stops...

Until, he has that look in his eye...he is running towards the end of the board and you can see fierce determination to conquer this fear, yet fear, the what if...he runs, feet pounding on the board, stress in his face...

getting closer,




running,





and then,




he vomits all over himself from the stress of it all;

but oh yes, still running towards the end of the diving board;

still moving forward to finally jump dive.

At this point, Aunt Filoli sails out of the water somehow magically pulling herself up and over the end of the diving board to stop vomit Wonder Boy.

He looks at me with big eyes, "jump dive."

"I know, you want to jump dive. Let's wash off the vomit before we try again,"

and damn, if that kid did not get back on the board.

This time he was content to stand a foot from the end of the board and high five me while I treaded from the water. Then finally he called it a night, but as he turned to walk away from me to go inside for his bath and nighttime ritual he says to me,

"Ant Fi, you jump dive, go jump dive, jump dive."

I need to jump dive.

I think I have the running and vomiting on myself down pat.

But could probably use some work on jump dive myself.

Ah, to jump dive.


Now, for those of you that think I am a cruel and an irresponsible aunt and put off that I would find a stressed out vomiting child amusing - my apologies. Perhaps you had to be there.

I guess I have issues.

For example, not so long ago I was out of town for work in a very remote and rural town.

I looked up at the intersection in an attempt to get a bearing with my gps. I thought to myself, "they have a street named after Elton John here?!? That is so odd and not fitting for this community."



Uh, Filoli, the sign says El Tejon.

Faaaaaaaaabulous I say!

Faaaaaaaaabulous!

The World According to

Monsanto.

This is an interview with the filmmaker and an overview of the movie.



For those that are curious - there is also Monsanto According to Monsanto.

According to Monsanto,

"The title Monsanto According to Monsanto is a spoof of The World According to Monsanto, a horribly biased documentary which portrays Monsanto in a very negative light. Aside from the shoddy journalism, we at Monsanto found it incredibly arrogant that the filmmaker would present her own twisted view of Monsanto as the company’s view of the world.


Unfortunately there’s no shortage of people, particularly on the internet, who have taken it upon themselves to speak about Monsanto – what the company is, what it does, and why. Many of these folks have their own agendas. If anyone should speak to Monsanto’s vision of the world, it’s those of us who come to work here every day and collectively make this company what it is. This is the main reason for this blog."

I don't typically think of myself as someone with an agenda. In fact, I am often frustrated by my complete and total lack of agenda. I do think that it is important for these things to be reviewed and discussed instead of all of our "information" being marketed to us by corporations.

Things are much more complicated than a 60 second spot on television. Frankly, they are much more complicated than a 90 minute documentary.

We need to hear this information and start to process it.

This month the regional health care market reports were issued for California.

Some elements were shocking, some were to be expected, some are frustrating, some are downright depressing, all demand that we start to better understand public health delivery systems and risk factors.

Here is just a quick breakdown of a few things from the report:

(For those that are outside of California that think this type of information is just Cali-funny and doesn't apply to you - uh, wait, waves always come to the shore.)

The following is just a highlight of a few statistics where these regional health care markets were significant outliers compared to state averages. I feel that the importance of reviewing this information is to enable us to better understand how unique regional markets differ and create liabilities and challenges. This also aids in understanding why a "one size fits all" model is typically unproductive in meaningfully addressing statewide health issues. (...and I will be rounding with these statistics to make it just a bit easier.)

In CA, the percentage of persons UNDER age 5 is 7%.
Fresno Area - 9%

In CA, the percentage of persons UNDER age 18 is 27%.
Fresno Area - 31%
Riverside/San Bernadino - 30%

In CA, the percentage of persons of adults with limited/no English is 35%.
Fresno Area - 41%
Los Angeles - 39%

The regional market with the lowest percentage was San Diego at 26%.
(Wrap your mind around that one MinuteMan HQ!)

Turning to certain economic indicators, let's look at poverty levels.

The following is 2009 reference data for for a family of four in the 48 contiguous states:

100% Poverty Level - Gross Yearly Income of $22,050
200% Poverty Level - Gross Yearly Income of $44,100

For a single mom and 2 kids living at 100% of the federal poverty level, the gross yearly income is $18,310.

In CA, the average for BELOW 100% of the federal poverty level is 16%.
Fresno Area - 24%
Los Angeles - 21%
Riverside/San Bernadino - 15%
Sacramento - 12%
San Diego and SFO Bay Area both at 11%

In CA the average for BELOW 200% of the federal poverty level is 34%.
Fresno Area - 45%
Los Angeles - 41%
Riverside/San Bernadino - 35%

Sacramento, San Francisco Bay Area and San Diego Area all less than 34%.


In CA, the average unemployment rate as of January 2009 was 11%.
Fresno Area - 16% (almost 2 of every 10 people unemployed)
Riverside/San Bernadino - 12%
Other regional areas either trended with the state average or were lower.


Now, who is the sickest?

In CA, the average for fair/poor health status is 16%.
Fresno Area - 20%
Los Angeles - 18%
Riverside/San Bernadino - 15%
San Francisco Bay Area - 13%
Sacramento and San Diego Area - 12%

Take a second and go back and look at the breakdown for regional markets as it relates to BELOW 100% of the federal poverty level.

Now, let's look at chronic health conditions that create substantial costs for health care delivery models (both public and private).

In CA, the average for diabetes is 8%. (This is way to high for me.)
Fresno Area - 11%
Los Angeles - 9%
Riverside/San Bernadino - 9%
San Francisco Bay Area and Sacramento - 7%
San Diego Area - 6%


In CA, the average for asthma is 14%. (Yes, 14%!)
Sacramento - 19% (I thought we would see Fresno or LA here.)
Fresno Area - 17%
San Francisco Bay Area - 15%
San Diego Area and Riverside/San Bernadino - 13%
Los Angeles - 12%

Just start to think about, talk about it, wonder about it.

No one is making any causal arguments at this time. At best we are looking at correlations.

Just start to look at it.

"Soaring Thru Nature's Finest Show"

Now, if you would please begin the following video at the :53 mark...



I know that this will be taken down soon. But if you move quick - maybe you can catch it.

Remembering Merce

Merce Cunningham - Biped
Uploaded by rybthr. - Arts and animation videos.

So You Think This is Life

Admittedly, this season has been a little slow and flat for me on SYTYCD. I don't know why, there have been a handful of amazing pieces, but it hasn't felt quite as dramatic or amazing as last season (I am still in mad awe of Joshua - love him!). So during this season I have been waiting for that piece, for those that watch the show you know what I mean, there is always a piece that just does something to your very soul where you have experienced an event and you know that your entire life is better for having witnessed it.

My usual watching SYTYCD ritual is to to do isometrics, crunches and free weights - then I wait and hope for a piece that STOPS me. Requires that I go back and watch it again to feel it, to know it, to appreciate it.

When they introduced the Tyce Diorio piece where he talks about feeling compelled to tell the story of a friend's battle with breast cancer, I watched the intro with one eyebrow up. Tyce did a piece a few years ago that I found very impressive, but since then I have been...well, not blown away. Frequently, he will do a number and I wonder - but where is that other stuff, that soul that I saw, why is it so...good but not balling me over. So when they announce that this number will be about a woman's battle with breast cancer, I thought "breathe...it could be good, it is important, it could be okay and you won't feel slightly cheated that something this real and raw in your daily life is being portrayed on SYTYCD."

Keep in mind the entire time I am watching the opening package for the dance, I am standing up doing free weight exercises...then the dance starts and I am holding 16 pounds of weight in my hands, and I just stand there, staring at the screen, holding this weight and watching this piece, just watching...

Tyce, you crazy talented, sometimes downright precocious, gifted, Broadway lovin', jazz hand, flea flicker then lyrical choreographer you...you took my breath away. Not in the typical manner of this expression. I mean I stood there and felt every molecule of oxygen being pulled out of my body took my breath away. It felt like I could not inhale again till Ade set Melissa down.

and all I could think was So This is Life.

For those that think perhaps I have strayed from my recent food theme - no.

We do know this: one of the most important things you can do to reduce your risk of cancer is to eat your fruits and vegetables. Granted the American Cancer Society and the food pyramid will tell you "shoot for 5 or more a day along with foods from other plant sources." I will tell you that most of the research now states that an adult needs 7 - 13 servings a day to actually begin preventative health eating against diseases such as obesity (yes, it is a disease), diabetes 2, heart disease and cancer.

If this piece moves you,

If you wish you could do something,

If you want things to change,

do this for me.

Food Journal.

Track a couple of days and see how many servings of fruits and vegetables you get in a day, that your children get. Be honest and look at it.

Then take the challenge: One day get in 13 servings.

If someone asks you why so many veggies, what on earth are you doing?

You can say, "I am doing this to demonstrate preventative health - to fight cancer and heart disease. I don't need a yellow bracelet or a ribbon lapel pin - I need to live my life in a way that is part of the fight, that is part of the solution, that is demonstrated awareness."

This is life.

"Stuffed and Starved"

We live in a pervasive globalized corporate agriculture system.

This is not a globally sustainable model.

The equation necessitates that some will be "haves" and others "have nots."

The problem is that the "have nots" have no forum.

The "haves" need to make a decision and mobilize towards a sustainable solution.

Simple decisions at your "local" grocery store impact the availability of food in an underprivileged urban neighborhood, a remote rural farming community and a village thousands of miles away from you.

Who decides how the world gets fed?

Who decides the delivery arc of food to plate?

Who decides what village gets a well?

Who decides what food will be sent for aid?

Who decides to send food instead of establishing alternative agriculture models?



Please take the time to watch the longer interview as well.



Stuffed and Starved

Full-Fat Love

Filoli has a theme going. (I know...how annoying!)

This is something that bugs me like mad.

Food is important. What you eat is important.

We received a communication from our agency once stating we are "so serious and unwavering on our position of "junk" food...perhaps we should focus on an infant placement instead of an older child" (paraphrased by Filoli).

[sigh]

I care about public health - passionately.

I care about your health, identified blog readers - passionately.

I care about your health, silent blog stalker - passionately.

So, yes, we are going to talk about it for a bit.

I have full-fat mad love for you and believe in my heart of hearts - we can fix this.

A Happy Meal

THE Summer Must See Movie

Food, Inc.

a broken arm, a rainbow and moving closer to the sun

alternatively titled,
"way too damn long post."

my mind has been circling,

absolutely circling

lately.

it is funny how things mentioned so casually, can become loud-blaring-obnoxiously looping-announcer-bulletins alerts bouncing against the walls inside of your mind.

so, here is the deal, I am going to get this out of my head.

because I can't take it on the inside anymore.

and maybe if these thoughts are out,

then something might change,

something might be made right.

*warning*

we are diving down right now

haunted

I find myself inextricably haunted

by two little faces

by two little voices

by two little people.

real, alive, breathing, running, walking-around laughing people.

"the girls"

the sibling set that I actually allowed myself to believe was "meant to be."

crazy, stupid, irrational filoli!

filoli who knows better!

stupid!

so, I felt strong, we made the right decision,

battling with the agency,

and the social workers,

and the therapists,

and the social workers - again

following our first meeting of the girls,

so that their needs - not mine - were met

was the "right thing" to do.

I felt that way.

and when we sat in another meeting,

and my husband was explaining our frustration

about how this 10 month process blew up in a ridiculous

and disappointing way,

he said,

"I feel like I just watched you break my wife's arm - in front of me."

I felt embarrassed

because

a) I don't like to think of myself as so fragile,

b) I feel like I am strong enough to handle the ubiquitous anything,

c) I want to believe everything always seems to work out for the best - right?,

d) I felt chained to that "walking wounded" image;

e) I want to believe that "no one on the corner has swagga like us;" and

perhaps, most importantly,

f) I did not want to believe my arm was metaphorically broken.


from time to time, I allowed or indulged (depending on how you look at it) to engage in flights from reality and think that maybe this placement could still maybe, possibly, work out. because evidently I am a crazy person. please see exhibit A for further evidence of said craziness.

the challenge is when someone tells you

"you are finally the family according to the county"

uh, you believe them.

and you get committed.

at least I do,

and when you see pictures,

and have stories,

and people describe the oldest as a mini-filoli,

you get excited,

you get hopeful....

you find yourself falling in love.

you do silly stupid things

(er, like start a outlining a post idea to announce your new branches).

and when you meet these 2 amazing hearts,

with all of that love in your every fiber,

and you shockingly realize that moving them from their foster home,

would be the worst possible thing in the entire world to do to these 2 people...

you feel a deep and ever expanding sense of loss,

that to this day feels like someone is physically prying open my chest

and a lump swells in my throat

and my eyes start to burn.

yet, I remind you that I take offense to the comment that my arm was broken.

so, I was pretty shocked to be driving alone in my car one day and flash on a conversation with the mini-filoli (who I agree is and was and will ever be a mini-filoli) and laughing and remembering, then the chest-opening situation happens to me, then the hot tears, then this crashing painful realization -

that my arm was broken.

and maybe the hand I write with...

so I return home and foolishly throw myself on the couch in a dramatic fashion in front of my ever-loving husband and pronounce in a typical nonsequitor and indulgent fashion,

"my arm was broken!"

then as I was deciding what trendy new color I should cast this literary broken arm in, I got the call that the foster family has finally realized that they need to move forward with adoption.

[deep, long, sigh and stop-the-earth-from-spinning-for-a-moment sense of relief]

see, things do work out...so I must not have this broken arm thing?

because, how in the world, when you see all around you, on a daily basis how things amazingly, quietly, deliberately, spiritually and profoundly do indeed work out could you even fool yourself or attempt to trick yourself that this rainbow and promise does not exist for you too...

so, why do I now feel like I still have the broken arm?




and then I start to do the wrong thing.

I start to feel exhausted, like all of this has now finally become too much, just too much.

but maybe it just too much on the inside

and maybe all of these feelings only asks that

"we must be heard"

maybe for now that is my rainbow.

that is my promise.

every day I recall that someone said,

from this day on,

we are moving closer to the sun.

every day,

closer to the sun.

and I wonder what this trajectory means for me.

Speaking of Troubling Costs

The nation's hospitals will give up $155 billion in future Medicare and Medicaid payments to help defray the cost of President Barack Obama's health care plan, a concession the White House hopes will boost an overhaul effort that's hit a roadblock in Congress.

The Trouble with Costs

If you have the time and I know that most do not.

But if you do, or if you are just interested in health care reform and some of the discussions and issues that are being debated - I think this is an excellent article.


The Cost Conundrum
What a Texas town can teach us about health care.
by Atul Gawande



It is a bit old, June, but an interesting and important voice.

If you don't feel like reading it, I give you the closing paragraph:

"As America struggles to extend health-care coverage while curbing health-care costs, we face a decision that is more important than whether we have a public-insurance option, more important than whether we will have a single-payer system in the long run or a mixture of public and private insurance, as we do now. The decision is whether we are going to reward the leaders who are trying to build a new generation of Mayos and Grand Junctions. If we don’t, McAllen won’t be an outlier. It will be our future."

of mountains, steep inclines, rocks and other such annoying things that get in our way

climbing


life seems to always require


climbing




to celebrate Independence


we climbed


which is kind of funny


because climbing


is all about



dependence.






climbing is...


well....simply put



hard.

it forces you to feel everything about yourself

all at once.

it is different than introspection

because there you get to observe;

this is more like drowning in yourself,

where you need to figure out how to deal with the rising emotional tide

and still move upwards -

and not fall.

and you wonder if you have the strength,

if you have a place to put your hand to pull up,

if you are stuck...

always - what if I am stuck and I have to fall to get out of this?

sometimes to climb, you have to stretch out

in the opposite direction of where you want to go.

I never see that grip.

luckily, someone always seems to yell at me from the base

to stretch out

and trust

that it will be the right hold

when going up

often there is a strong desire

to look down

but it is not the distance that you will see

it is the community

telling you

"it is fine"

"keep going"

"you can do this."

to understand "this"

you must trust,

trust your line,

trust your friend,

trust yourself,

trust

that there is in fact a top bolt.

trust that they are paying attention to you

and won't let you slide.

trust that the tension will be adequate

to move you up when you need it.

because sometimes to climb

you need to feel tension.



one of the trickiest things

is understanding

climbing

through liminal space


great climbers love this challenge.

I often try desperately to scratch at the rock

and wonder "why"

then and only then at the urging of my community

I will leap

and cling to the other side

as though this place -

the opposite rock of my top bolt

is safe.

but nothing,

I mean

nothing

feels like that experience

of stretching to another distant rock

to stretch back

and feel on your chalky hands

the homecoming joy of granite

at a place higher and more secure than before.


because there is a top

even when you feel like you will never get there,

a top does exist.


and there is a view,

always a view.

a new perspective,

new eyes,

new lands,

new challenges.

funny thing about climbing mountains -

you are expected to come down.

and descending presents its own challenge.

sometimes, descending is scarier than climbing.

descending requires

that you stand up

completely stand up

and lean away from the slanted rock you just conquered.

you have to stand

and trust

that your community has you,

completely has you.

don't grab your rope,

let your arms stretch out

and walk backwards

to the people that have loved and lifted you all along the way.

or if you are so bold,

you can turn and run down forwards,

leaning and running

(the Australian)

back to the ledge.

I guess,

I need to climb.

Eva Luna is climbing,

others are climbing too,

sometimes I feel like all I do is climb,

why do we have to climb so much.

not that descending is easy either.

last night we laughed when Eva Luna said,

"the only interesting thing about me is that I am bald."

Eva Luna wants to descend.

this is what we do,

this is what is in front of us.

together we will climb,

we will descend,

we will lift up,

we will pull along,

some mountains we choose,

other steep inclines we don't,

but the rocks will always give us

character,

community,

us,

you

and, a new me.

Grafting

Grafting.

I think about grafting often.





Grafting is used when a plant does not have an adequate root system to sustain it and for plants that may have difficulty budding.



I remember clear as day the first time I attempted to graft. I was stressed and nervous. I sat at my long school table, perched on my knee, agonizing about my cut, worried about my taping technique.



In general I was completely overwhelmed with a nauseating feeling of incompetence and all thumbs. Petrified that it wouldn't work the way I hoped and the plant would go into shock. As I pressed on through the project, I had racing thoughts that that maybe the new flower would be inappropriate for the root stock - that I mismatched or overestimated and both would die.



As I tend to do, I worried.

Most (if not all) of the wine you drink comes from a grafted vineyard. With a few notable exceptions in South America, vineyards in all nations either perform a bench graft in the nursery or a field graft for the vines. Grafting is survival for wine. Generations and legacy for a fine wine is premised on one fundamental success - a good graft.



Back in 1860's, this little pest known as Phylloxera began attacking vine roots and leaves in both North America and Europe. The only way to outsmart this destructive force was to graft the thick, tough root bark of a Native American vine with the delicate European bud. Thus, the post-phylloxera wine was born. This hybrid rootstock was revolutionary.


If you have the fortune (or misfortune depending on how you look at it) of being around a vinophile pontificating on the profound taste and feel of a pre-phylloxera wine - you will know what he/she is blabbering about. To me, post-phylloxera wine, the world we all live in is much more profound because everything is centered on the graft.



A graft requires two things: the rootstock which will provide the new plant's root system and lower stem; and, the scion which will produce the stem, branches and new fruit.



In grafting, the cut is critical. It is only by a deliberate slice that the cells can open to one another.


The layer of cells located between the wood and bark of a stem from which new bark and wood cells originate of both the scion and rootstock must meet and touch completely. This new union - the wound - must be protected in order to heal. In grafting, that place where root meets bud is the wound. It is always the wound.



Here, you place grafting wax around the wound, tape it and keep it moist to allow for healing.





Very little success in grafting is obtained unless proper care is maintained for the graft. If a binding material such as strong cord or nursery tape is used on the graft, this must eventually be cut shortly after growth starts to prevent girdling.

Yet, in time and with proper care and attention the grafting wound can become the strongest part of a vine.

This place where two joined to grow as one to bring something unique and individual to the world is grafting - is evolutionary - is painful - yet profound.


It is potential.

It is a healing wound.


It is a different sort of propagation - but propagation all the same.


It is an end and beginning.

It is all part of the life of wine.

All part of our life, what makes us, and what we can be - a new varietal in this ever expanding field.