Biggest Loser Confessions

Biggest Loser Finale Night!

From about 7pm on I was giddy with anticipation for some damn reason over the big reveals. (Probably because I had some fantasy that Shay was going to show up weighing in at about 125.)

The montage at the beginning where they were showing where all of the contestants started from started to get me all choked up. I have no idea why and it was at that point that my husband sighed and just went to the other room.

So I was starting to get frustrated a bit at the beginning because the contestants weren’t as “skinny” as previous seasons and then I b-slapped myself and remembered that they all started out at crazy high insane weights and then became more positive. (Although everyone truly did look great and no one painfully or obviously backslid so that is a marked improvement from other seasons.)

When Amanda and Liz came out – I was bummed AGAIN! They looked amazing – but I kept thinking “ladies! The boys are going to annihilate you!”

OMG! Amanda and the “America’s choice” speech – we should have made that a drinking game in advance. (Granted it would have to be a low calorie beer.)

Blah, blah, blah, contestants returning…crazy big numbers and then Skeletor (I mean Tracy) comes out – and she is STILL freaky freaky girl. At least her eyes seemed less popping out and buggy with her face that much skinnier.

And then cute little Daniel whose face is starting to emerge but clearly is still working his body…and where is that adorable girlfriend Rebecca, why didn’t she come to the finale…she looked so good on Jay Leno…and who is that blonde that keeps fondling Daniel’s neck every time the camera is on him…

WHAT?!? Rebecca is the blonde! So Rebecca went from poor little overweight girl, to losing weight girl, to I could be Mariska-Hagarity’s-little-sister girl, to Mariska-Hagarity’s-little-sister’s-evil-arm-pumping-and-excessively-fondling twin! Does this mean the Unholy Power of Pink Team continues? Pink Team started with Ali being about realistic transformations to healthy manageable weights. Now the power of Pink means a “touch o’ the crazy” and freakishly thin arms! (God help me, I want freakishly thin arms too…)

I thought “holy crap – Tracy with all of her game play and odd “I won’t tell you my weight” craziness is going to freaking take home the prize!” Just when I reconciled myself to the possibility of Skeletor taking the cash – that blonde girl started jumping up and down on the scale and kept affirming herself with how amazing she is…so I guess the mystery Pink contestant who is cheating on Rebecca with Daniel won the $100k.

The proposal – awwwwwww! (Like we didn’t think we were going to get a proposal tonight – we knew one of the “mystery couples” was going to end up on a knee – really NBC why so much foreshadowing.)

Shay is invited to the May finale – awwwwwww! Yeah, thank you, thank you, thank you, NBC. Subway is giving her $1,000 per pound loss by the finale – WHAT the WHAT!?!? Perhaps this show is starting to back fire on inspiration because somewhere after this announcement I plodded into the kitchen for chips and salsa to graze on. This more than likely padded an extra pound on me that I will later have to lose free of charge without any sponsorship later.

Rudy comes out – okay he looks good. He starts talking about his 70 hour work week I drift off and remember that he always kind of bugged me during the season (why? Why pick on Shay? Oh wait – now she is going to get $1,000 per pound – okay, Rudy, you just kind of bug me…and how in the world does he have that 100 lb smoking hot wife?) . Whatever? Rudy gets on the scale. I might add the Most Annoying Scale of all Seasons – what was up with that beeping scale sound they used last night? It was PAINFUL. The dogs and I were quite annoyed. So Rudy lost 234 pounds! FREAKING 234 pounds!!!!! This is more than my husband. I was all excited and then he went into one of his annoying monologues and I quickly crossed myself and hoped for Danny!

Because DANNY – OMG, DANNY! When he came out with his new self! My jaw dropped – it was the Biggest Loser moment of the night that I had been waiting on! My Biggest Loser dreams came true – from the flesh encased abyss emerged the return of the Nice-Guy-High-School-Rock-Star! Really! He looked amazing! It was at this point that I started hoping that NBC would come to its senses finally can the damn Leno show and just let Danny come out and talk to us with his dreamy blue eyes…his eyes whispered “put down the chips and salsa, you don’t need it” and I obediently followed the master’s command.

Danny takes it by one freaking pound and once again I feel comforted that there is some order in the universe that happy endings really do exist and maybe it is possible for a crowded room to break out into a spontaneous song and dance number.

Morning After Biggest Loser Finale

I jump on the scale all inspired-like, imagine that ear-splitting beeping, look at the number and say “F%&! – I really need to hit the gym.” But first, I will order one of those delicious Christmas 9,000 calories Egg Nog Lattes on my way to work…mmmmmm, good latte, good…

Hokusai Says

Geez! I keep doing this but I just wanted to share this with you.

A dear friend sent this to me yesterday and I just wanted to share it with you as well.

It matters that you care.
It matters that you feel.
It matters that you notice.
It matters that life lives through you…


Look, Feel, let life take you
By the hand.
Let life live through you.

- Ken Keyes

To Air

I was thinking about talking about something a bit different today.

With it being World AIDS Day and all...

But instead...I found this quite by accident and I just had to share!





Project Air




For me and in hopes of just a little bit of sanity today, I say:


To Forrest: I still laugh at your jokes even today. Honestly, I was sitting at a light the other day crying from some wise ass crack you made ages ago. How is that for longevity?

To Larry: No, I still don't dress well...and no - no - not a bit do I miss you bitching at me about this. But for the love of all things holy there is not a special event that I don't think "help, Lar, help!" (You know women are just no good at this dressing up thing [rolling eyes].)

To B: [sigh] You would not believe there is a World AIDS Day and how different and same the world is today and oh, how I miss talking to you...and yes, I am still very much all about a good rant. Awareness is frankly a trend now (seriously!) AND Rick Warren was on Meet the Press Sunday talking about caring for AIDS patients and the role of the church in combating this disease! F' me - right?



To Chay: Every day I wonder if my life is something you would be proud of. Every single day. There has not been a day that you have not sailed across my mind and my consciousness. I can't go through a laundry list of things I miss because something would invariably be missed and then I would feel like an ass. I desperately wish I could talk to you - about, you know, everything. (For instance, Mom and Dad just spent a week in Cabo for Thanksgiving with unlimited access to a number of liquid spirits. Dad sent me an email listing drinks he had sampled and wanted recommendations for other things he should try. I know! I KNOW! How the fuck are you not here for this?!?) Mostly, I just selfishly wish you would hold my hand and tell me everything is going to be okay and point my shoulders in the right direction...or at least give me a good shake. Also, I wish you were here so I could whisper in your ear "I hate these bullshit awareness days - how fucking useless" and you would laugh and poke fun of my red sweater and red ribbon accouterments. But right now I am going to head over and pick up Mom in about 20 minutes for lunch. I really miss you and a lot of the times I am still really pissed. I try to honor you with my life. I really do. I really pray that somehow your light shines through me so others can see you too. Crap. You were always better and kinder and more sensitive and gentle and loving then me...even when you were running away (jerk!). This life, Chay, is so odd and the vibrations of you on who I am are profound. I still fight for you. But mostly, I still need you! ("Oh, how I wish I could shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only knew how to begin.")




To the Holy Mysteries of the Universe that is unknown and unfathomable, please channel this energy and focus of today in some positive (pun not intended) and transformative way - blaze a path out of this madness and please transform this misery to something beautiful and profound (I really don't even care if Bono is the guy spearheading this anymore or if it means those twits at the Gap continue to sell fucking red t-shirts and there is a fucking marketing angle to awareness) because I just want things different and I want my dreams and the world to be free from this pain.


"I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!"

- Alice in Wonderland