To Air

I was thinking about talking about something a bit different today.

With it being World AIDS Day and all...

But instead...I found this quite by accident and I just had to share!





Project Air




For me and in hopes of just a little bit of sanity today, I say:


To Forrest: I still laugh at your jokes even today. Honestly, I was sitting at a light the other day crying from some wise ass crack you made ages ago. How is that for longevity?

To Larry: No, I still don't dress well...and no - no - not a bit do I miss you bitching at me about this. But for the love of all things holy there is not a special event that I don't think "help, Lar, help!" (You know women are just no good at this dressing up thing [rolling eyes].)

To B: [sigh] You would not believe there is a World AIDS Day and how different and same the world is today and oh, how I miss talking to you...and yes, I am still very much all about a good rant. Awareness is frankly a trend now (seriously!) AND Rick Warren was on Meet the Press Sunday talking about caring for AIDS patients and the role of the church in combating this disease! F' me - right?



To Chay: Every day I wonder if my life is something you would be proud of. Every single day. There has not been a day that you have not sailed across my mind and my consciousness. I can't go through a laundry list of things I miss because something would invariably be missed and then I would feel like an ass. I desperately wish I could talk to you - about, you know, everything. (For instance, Mom and Dad just spent a week in Cabo for Thanksgiving with unlimited access to a number of liquid spirits. Dad sent me an email listing drinks he had sampled and wanted recommendations for other things he should try. I know! I KNOW! How the fuck are you not here for this?!?) Mostly, I just selfishly wish you would hold my hand and tell me everything is going to be okay and point my shoulders in the right direction...or at least give me a good shake. Also, I wish you were here so I could whisper in your ear "I hate these bullshit awareness days - how fucking useless" and you would laugh and poke fun of my red sweater and red ribbon accouterments. But right now I am going to head over and pick up Mom in about 20 minutes for lunch. I really miss you and a lot of the times I am still really pissed. I try to honor you with my life. I really do. I really pray that somehow your light shines through me so others can see you too. Crap. You were always better and kinder and more sensitive and gentle and loving then me...even when you were running away (jerk!). This life, Chay, is so odd and the vibrations of you on who I am are profound. I still fight for you. But mostly, I still need you! ("Oh, how I wish I could shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only knew how to begin.")




To the Holy Mysteries of the Universe that is unknown and unfathomable, please channel this energy and focus of today in some positive (pun not intended) and transformative way - blaze a path out of this madness and please transform this misery to something beautiful and profound (I really don't even care if Bono is the guy spearheading this anymore or if it means those twits at the Gap continue to sell fucking red t-shirts and there is a fucking marketing angle to awareness) because I just want things different and I want my dreams and the world to be free from this pain.


"I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!"

- Alice in Wonderland