Belated

Ages ago, back when the technology pictured below was employed I was graciously awarded by Dandies the following:
I had plan. Big plans.

But I got sick. Really sick. Swine flu sick the week before Christmas which carried through the holidays. I tried to come back the world of the living, then sick again. Thought I made a 100% recovery. I felt great all weekend. Actually, I felt amazing on Sunday. So amazing I kept telling I felt like I was "living the dream." I have no idea what the hell I meant by that other than it was a good day. Then suddenly late in the evening my throat felt funny. I took a bath and then BAM sick sick sick sick again. Sunday night was horrible. No sleep. Tossing and turning. Odd dreams of living inside a tree (I am fairly certain these are merely Avatar aftershocks and not some new deep subconscious break that I need to think about) then coughing and coughing and coughing.

So Monday - sick.

Today after coughing up disgusting Rorschach images out of some mystery part of my body, I dragged myself to the office. Now I am sitting at the office sick, unproductive, tired and in general - blah.

Not so creative. Not so productive.

So I am wondering if maybe I am kreativ instead.

Seriously? Not to be an ass (although I guess I am) but why is this misspelled?

I had this idea of doing the 7 things tying into the chakras - but I have no energy (ha! - get it, oh that snuck up on me) to finish this project.

7 things seems like a lot to me right now.

But maybe if I do this it will pull me out of my "I feel sick" whine.

Crap. Even blogging feels like an endurance event to me right now.

Regardless, here we go:

1. I think health care is very important and understanding and improving our delivery models are paramount for long term success as a society.

2. My favorite quote from testimony over the past year regarding the health care debate is from Wendell Potter:

"But I have also expressed concern that if Congress goes along with the so-called "solutions" the insurance industry says it is bringing to the table and acquiesces to the demands it is making of lawmakers, and if it fails to create a public insurance option to compete with private insurers, the bill it sends to the President might as well be called the Insurance Industry Profit Protection and Enhancement Act."

3) We were presented information about twin medically fragile infant boys that are currently in the foster system. We were open to the placement. The judge ended up giving the parents another 3 months to work towards reunification - and we are beyond thrilled that both the boys and the parents were given this opportunity and truly hope that it works out for their family. I think the most important lesson that Alpha and I learned was that we were more open to special needs children then we realized.

4) In my fantasy life of being a mother some day, I always had this image/goal/pipe dream that when we had kids I would practice yoga with them every morning. I wanted to provide that kind of foundation for them. Funny thing - I don't do that now. I don't do that for myself. I made fun of my friend that told me she would start buying organic and healthy foods when she had kids, but when it was just her "why bother." I snapped at this logic, then started laughing at my own silliness. If something is important later, it should be important now. I am not yet practicing with any consistency in the morning, BUT I am practicing yoga daily. Honestly, I am not a morning person so this transition to a morning practice is going to be a big challenge for me - if it ever happens at all. It may turn out to not actually be that important to me at all.

5) A couple of months ago, Alpha picked me up after a yoga and I told him how after practice sometimes I feel very connected to a maternal sense of myself and how odd that is for me. We talked about how this may be because of my whole ridiculous fantasy of a daily practice with children or perhaps it was finding a new place in myself where a concept of being somewhat less-than-self-without-kids no longer exists.

Later while reading, I was slapped around a bit intellectually: a) I was reading the story of Krishna and his mother where he continually had to cast the illusion of relationship and concept of "mother" on her when she glimpsed infinity and unity and it would overwhelm her and she would pass out; and b) in a way, how we live our life, our choices, our decisions give birth to who and what we are and and will be next - in that way, I am a mother to myself, but often a negligent mother and I need to tend to ensuring that what comes next is better by being better bit by bit here and today.

6) Wow. I still do not feel well. I genuinely hope that I feel better soon. After all the new season of Biggest Loser starts tonight and I would like to feel well when I watch it.

7) Decisions are hard for me. I have no idea what my life is supposed to look like or be like. All I know is that with a regular yoga practice I am starting to stop asking for map and be the path that I need to figure out what is the right course of action for me. I really hope that soon things will become clearer to me and I can move forward in the direction of a more fuller self.

As for tagging, I do not have the energy right now. Plus, I am late to this train.

As such, I am changing it into something that I saw on another blog.


Happy for a New Year

The Rules:

"List 10 things that made you happy today and tag 10 bloggers that brighten your day. For those 10 bloggers who get the award, you must link back to my blog...the last part, only if you want to...blah, blah, blah, rules, rules, rules, rules meant to be broken, rules..."

Ten things that MADE ME HAPPY TODAY:

Husband made amazing beet, spinach and pear juice for me this morning;
Kale;
Avocado;
Being out of bed;
I didn't have to stop for gas;
Husband packed lunch so one less task and errand for the day;
Friend's baby is almost due;
A post about a pot brownie that continues to make me giggle;
Despite being locked out by Pandora last month for "excessive use" I am back in this month;
I can go home now.

*and Biggest Loser starts tonight...


As for tagging 10 blogs that make me happy, I am too tired. So, if you are reading this (regardless of whether or not you comment), you may consider yourself awarded because frankly if you read this, you are definitely on my list of happy.

Oy! I am heading home and back to pajamas, television and soup.