of mountains, steep inclines, rocks and other such annoying things that get in our way

climbing


life seems to always require


climbing




to celebrate Independence


we climbed


which is kind of funny


because climbing


is all about



dependence.






climbing is...


well....simply put



hard.

it forces you to feel everything about yourself

all at once.

it is different than introspection

because there you get to observe;

this is more like drowning in yourself,

where you need to figure out how to deal with the rising emotional tide

and still move upwards -

and not fall.

and you wonder if you have the strength,

if you have a place to put your hand to pull up,

if you are stuck...

always - what if I am stuck and I have to fall to get out of this?

sometimes to climb, you have to stretch out

in the opposite direction of where you want to go.

I never see that grip.

luckily, someone always seems to yell at me from the base

to stretch out

and trust

that it will be the right hold

when going up

often there is a strong desire

to look down

but it is not the distance that you will see

it is the community

telling you

"it is fine"

"keep going"

"you can do this."

to understand "this"

you must trust,

trust your line,

trust your friend,

trust yourself,

trust

that there is in fact a top bolt.

trust that they are paying attention to you

and won't let you slide.

trust that the tension will be adequate

to move you up when you need it.

because sometimes to climb

you need to feel tension.



one of the trickiest things

is understanding

climbing

through liminal space


great climbers love this challenge.

I often try desperately to scratch at the rock

and wonder "why"

then and only then at the urging of my community

I will leap

and cling to the other side

as though this place -

the opposite rock of my top bolt

is safe.

but nothing,

I mean

nothing

feels like that experience

of stretching to another distant rock

to stretch back

and feel on your chalky hands

the homecoming joy of granite

at a place higher and more secure than before.


because there is a top

even when you feel like you will never get there,

a top does exist.


and there is a view,

always a view.

a new perspective,

new eyes,

new lands,

new challenges.

funny thing about climbing mountains -

you are expected to come down.

and descending presents its own challenge.

sometimes, descending is scarier than climbing.

descending requires

that you stand up

completely stand up

and lean away from the slanted rock you just conquered.

you have to stand

and trust

that your community has you,

completely has you.

don't grab your rope,

let your arms stretch out

and walk backwards

to the people that have loved and lifted you all along the way.

or if you are so bold,

you can turn and run down forwards,

leaning and running

(the Australian)

back to the ledge.

I guess,

I need to climb.

Eva Luna is climbing,

others are climbing too,

sometimes I feel like all I do is climb,

why do we have to climb so much.

not that descending is easy either.

last night we laughed when Eva Luna said,

"the only interesting thing about me is that I am bald."

Eva Luna wants to descend.

this is what we do,

this is what is in front of us.

together we will climb,

we will descend,

we will lift up,

we will pull along,

some mountains we choose,

other steep inclines we don't,

but the rocks will always give us

character,

community,

us,

you

and, a new me.